Often the first few days after a couple choose to Divorce can be extremely difficult for both parties concerned. In some cases where one of the partners is completely unprepared for what is happening they will find it even more difficult to understand why they have ended up in this situation in the first place. But certainly the first thing any person should be doing is getting as much advice as possible as they can as to where they stand in relation to Divorce settlements etc. In this particular article we provide some Divorce tips for him which should make this process a little easier to cope with.
Tip 1 – Never Sign Preliminary Agreements
Often men in an attempt to get their Divorce over and done with as quickly as possible will sign and document which on later inspection by their attorney can actually be impossible for them to get out of. Some men without realizing it have signed papers that results in them losing not just a share in the family home, but also the chance to see their children. So before signing any paperwork presented to you by your partner get your attorney to read it through and get them to negotiate with your partner's attorney any changes that you wish to make.
Tip 2 – Making Irrational Decisions
Unfortunately a man will be under considerable amounts of stress and will try and cope with the situation on their own rather than let people think he can not handle it. Rather they should be seeking advice and support from those around them and from their attorney as this will then assure that they make the most sensible decisions possible.
Tip 3 – Set Up Your Own Checking Account
It is important that you have access to your own supply of funds so as soon as you know that Divorce proceedings are going to be taking place arrange to set up your own checking account. Also arrange with your employer that all your future salaries are then paid directly into this account rather than the joint one you had with your partner. A lot of men unfortunately during the first days of their Divorce will go to their joint account to obtain funds to help pay for their living expenses only to find it has been completely cleaned out. Unfortunately for men it is much more difficult for them to be able to get emergency housing or a refuge as these are generally only available to women.
Tip 4 – Make Sure You Have a Secure Mail Address
Like many men you will probably find yourself having to leave the family home and so you will need to provide an address to your attorney, bank and other official agencies including the Inland Revenue office where correspondence can be sent to. If you are going to be living in temporary accommodation and you don't want your personal correspondence sent there then arrange with either your parents or another close relative to have your mail sent to their address instead. However if you are not able to avail of your parents or relatives good will in this respect then you will be better off renting a mail box instead.
Keeping the above tips in mind will make dealing with your divorce proceedings much easier and will certainly take away some of the stress that such a situation can cause.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Gary Coleman takes his marital woes to television's Divorce Court.
by Jeffrey Cottrill
The curse never seems to end for the kids from Diff'rent Strokes.
This week, the former Arnold Jackson is back in the news, as actor Gary Coleman is preparing to undergo relationship counseling with 22-year-old wife Shannon Price -- after dealing with their stormy marriage in a taping of the reality-TV show Divorce Court. The episodes featuring Coleman will air on May 1 and 2.
Coleman, now 40, first met Price on the set of the 2006 comedy film Church Ball. They married in secret last August after dating for five months.
Divorce Court provided transcripts of the episodes to the Associated Press, which reported on their content. According to AP, the troubled couple discusses many issues with Judge Lynn Toler, such as Coleman's alleged rage problems. "If he doesn't get his way," Price says of Coleman in the show, "he throws a temper tantrum like a five-year-old does. He, like, stomps the floor and yells 'Meehhhh!' and starts throwing stuff around. He bashes his head in the wall, too."
In addition, she claims that Coleman would rather stay home and play with his train set than go out with her, although he often disappears from their home by himself in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. She also says that he has no friends and a negative attitude, which Coleman agrees is true.
"I don't have any friends," Coleman tells Judge Toler, "and don't have any intention of making any. People will stab you in the back, mistreat you, talk about [you] behind your back, steal from you. And they're not really your friends. [They're] only there because you're a celebrity or because they want to get something from you."
Considering the course of his life, you can't really blame Coleman for feeling that way about humanity. Although he was a household name during the '80s and came to earn as much as $100,000 per episode of Diff'rent Strokes, his parents reportedly received most of the money. Since then, Gary Coleman's acting career has struggled, and at one point, he had to work as a security guard to make ends meet. He filed for bankruptcy in 1999 and 2001.
In the meantime, his camp value to Generation X has made him a public joke. He has even voiced himself in self-parody on The Simpsons and Family Guy, although he also attempted to sue the producers of the Broadway musical Avenue Q regarding its character based on him.
Coleman has admitted that there was no sex in his marriage to Price. He told Us Weekly in February, "It'll happen when it'll happen, and it'll happen for all the right reasons." In describing his marriage life with Price as "mediocre" to Judge Toler, he concedes: "It's not her fault. I always feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders every day I get up... there are days I don't even want to get up."
However, Coleman also claims that Price is partly to blame for the couple's ugly fights. "When I try to state my case or explain things to her or try to get her to understand my point of view," he says, "my point of view doesn't matter." He adds, "The male is always the bad guy."
The four-foot-eight actor, who suffers from kidney disease and needs daily dialysis to live, became a household name as the younger Jackson brother on Diff'rent Strokes, which ran from 1978 to 1986. Other TV credits from his youth include The Jeffersons, Good Times, and The Facts of Life. More recently, he has appeared in TV ads for CashCall, a cash-advance loan firm.
It's true that Gary Coleman has had a lot of bad luck in life that wasn't his fault. But let's hope that he can learn to control the short temper he supposedly has -- and work things out in his life and marriage. Click here for some advice on dealing with divorce-related anger.
The curse never seems to end for the kids from Diff'rent Strokes.
This week, the former Arnold Jackson is back in the news, as actor Gary Coleman is preparing to undergo relationship counseling with 22-year-old wife Shannon Price -- after dealing with their stormy marriage in a taping of the reality-TV show Divorce Court. The episodes featuring Coleman will air on May 1 and 2.
Coleman, now 40, first met Price on the set of the 2006 comedy film Church Ball. They married in secret last August after dating for five months.
Divorce Court provided transcripts of the episodes to the Associated Press, which reported on their content. According to AP, the troubled couple discusses many issues with Judge Lynn Toler, such as Coleman's alleged rage problems. "If he doesn't get his way," Price says of Coleman in the show, "he throws a temper tantrum like a five-year-old does. He, like, stomps the floor and yells 'Meehhhh!' and starts throwing stuff around. He bashes his head in the wall, too."
In addition, she claims that Coleman would rather stay home and play with his train set than go out with her, although he often disappears from their home by himself in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. She also says that he has no friends and a negative attitude, which Coleman agrees is true.
"I don't have any friends," Coleman tells Judge Toler, "and don't have any intention of making any. People will stab you in the back, mistreat you, talk about [you] behind your back, steal from you. And they're not really your friends. [They're] only there because you're a celebrity or because they want to get something from you."
Considering the course of his life, you can't really blame Coleman for feeling that way about humanity. Although he was a household name during the '80s and came to earn as much as $100,000 per episode of Diff'rent Strokes, his parents reportedly received most of the money. Since then, Gary Coleman's acting career has struggled, and at one point, he had to work as a security guard to make ends meet. He filed for bankruptcy in 1999 and 2001.
In the meantime, his camp value to Generation X has made him a public joke. He has even voiced himself in self-parody on The Simpsons and Family Guy, although he also attempted to sue the producers of the Broadway musical Avenue Q regarding its character based on him.
Coleman has admitted that there was no sex in his marriage to Price. He told Us Weekly in February, "It'll happen when it'll happen, and it'll happen for all the right reasons." In describing his marriage life with Price as "mediocre" to Judge Toler, he concedes: "It's not her fault. I always feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders every day I get up... there are days I don't even want to get up."
However, Coleman also claims that Price is partly to blame for the couple's ugly fights. "When I try to state my case or explain things to her or try to get her to understand my point of view," he says, "my point of view doesn't matter." He adds, "The male is always the bad guy."
The four-foot-eight actor, who suffers from kidney disease and needs daily dialysis to live, became a household name as the younger Jackson brother on Diff'rent Strokes, which ran from 1978 to 1986. Other TV credits from his youth include The Jeffersons, Good Times, and The Facts of Life. More recently, he has appeared in TV ads for CashCall, a cash-advance loan firm.
It's true that Gary Coleman has had a lot of bad luck in life that wasn't his fault. But let's hope that he can learn to control the short temper he supposedly has -- and work things out in his life and marriage. Click here for some advice on dealing with divorce-related anger.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
MARRIED GAY COUPLE SEEK R.I. DIVORCE
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — A lesbian couple married in Massachusetts should have the same right as heterosexual couples to now divorce in Rhode Island, lawyers for the women told the state's highest court on Tuesday.
Cassandra Ormiston and Margaret Chambers wed in 2004 soon after Massachusetts legalized same-sex marriages. They filed for divorce last year in their home state of Rhode Island, where the law is silent on whether same-sex marriages are legal.
It is believed to be the state's first same-sex divorce case.
If the women can't divorce in Rhode Island, their lawyers said the only legal avenue available to them would be for at least one to move to Massachusetts and live there long enough to obtain a divorce. "It is an absolutely unfair burden," Ormiston said outside court after Tuesday's arguments before the Rhode Island Supreme Court. "It is a burden no one else is asked to bear, and it is something I will not do.
Lawyers for the women told the Supreme Court the only question to consider was whether Rhode Island could recognize a valid same-sex marriage from another state for the sole purpose of granting a divorce petition.
They stressed the case has no bearing on whether gay couples could get married in Rhode Island, or on whether a same-sex marriage would be recognized for other purposes. You have a valid marriage in the state of Massachusetts," Louis Pulner, an attorney for Chambers, told the justices. "No one is asking the court to address the question of whether such marriages would be valid in Rhode Island.
In September 2006, a Massachusetts judge decided same-sex couples from Rhode Island could marry in Massachusetts because nothing in Rhode Island law specifically banned gay marriage. But the courts and the legislature in Rhode Island have not taken any action to recognize same-sex marriages performed in Massachusetts.
Attorney General Patrick Lynch earlier this year issued a nonbinding advisory opinion saying the state would recognize same-sex marriages performed in Massachusetts. Nancy Palmisciano, a lawyer for Ormiston, said Rhode Island routinely treats as valid heterosexual marriages performed in other states and even in other countries. She said when she recently handled the divorce of a couple from China, no one questioned the validity of their marriage certificate issued there.
"Here we have two American women who have not been able to push their divorce forward because they happen to be members of the same sex," Palmisciano said. Chambers and Ormiston married in Fall River, Mass., in May 2004 in a ceremony solemnized by a justice of the peace. Massachusetts is the only state to legalize same-sex marriages. Chambers filed for a divorce last October, citing irreconcilable differences.
Two months later, Rhode Island's chief family court judge asked the state Supreme Court for guidance on whether he has the authority to handle a same-sex divorce. The court agreed to weigh in and invited Rhode Island's legislative leaders, governor and state attorney general to submit legal briefs detailing their position.
The justices did not indicate when they would rule.
Cassandra Ormiston and Margaret Chambers wed in 2004 soon after Massachusetts legalized same-sex marriages. They filed for divorce last year in their home state of Rhode Island, where the law is silent on whether same-sex marriages are legal.
It is believed to be the state's first same-sex divorce case.
If the women can't divorce in Rhode Island, their lawyers said the only legal avenue available to them would be for at least one to move to Massachusetts and live there long enough to obtain a divorce. "It is an absolutely unfair burden," Ormiston said outside court after Tuesday's arguments before the Rhode Island Supreme Court. "It is a burden no one else is asked to bear, and it is something I will not do.
Lawyers for the women told the Supreme Court the only question to consider was whether Rhode Island could recognize a valid same-sex marriage from another state for the sole purpose of granting a divorce petition.
They stressed the case has no bearing on whether gay couples could get married in Rhode Island, or on whether a same-sex marriage would be recognized for other purposes. You have a valid marriage in the state of Massachusetts," Louis Pulner, an attorney for Chambers, told the justices. "No one is asking the court to address the question of whether such marriages would be valid in Rhode Island.
In September 2006, a Massachusetts judge decided same-sex couples from Rhode Island could marry in Massachusetts because nothing in Rhode Island law specifically banned gay marriage. But the courts and the legislature in Rhode Island have not taken any action to recognize same-sex marriages performed in Massachusetts.
Attorney General Patrick Lynch earlier this year issued a nonbinding advisory opinion saying the state would recognize same-sex marriages performed in Massachusetts. Nancy Palmisciano, a lawyer for Ormiston, said Rhode Island routinely treats as valid heterosexual marriages performed in other states and even in other countries. She said when she recently handled the divorce of a couple from China, no one questioned the validity of their marriage certificate issued there.
"Here we have two American women who have not been able to push their divorce forward because they happen to be members of the same sex," Palmisciano said. Chambers and Ormiston married in Fall River, Mass., in May 2004 in a ceremony solemnized by a justice of the peace. Massachusetts is the only state to legalize same-sex marriages. Chambers filed for a divorce last October, citing irreconcilable differences.
Two months later, Rhode Island's chief family court judge asked the state Supreme Court for guidance on whether he has the authority to handle a same-sex divorce. The court agreed to weigh in and invited Rhode Island's legislative leaders, governor and state attorney general to submit legal briefs detailing their position.
The justices did not indicate when they would rule.
Jewish Attitude Toward Divorce
Judaism recognized the concept of "no-fault" divorce thousands of years ago. Judaism has always accepted divorce as a fact of life, albeit an unfortunate one. Judaism generally maintains that it is better for a couple to divorce than to remain together in a state of constant bitterness and strife.
Under Jewish law, a man can divorce a woman for any reason or no reason. The Talmud specifically says that a man can divorce a woman because she spoiled his dinner or simply because he finds another woman more attractive, and the woman's consent to the divorce is not required. In fact, Jewish law requires divorce in some circumstances: when the wife commits a sexual transgression, a man must divorce her, even if he is inclined to forgive her.
This does not mean that Judaism takes divorce lightly. Many aspects of Jewish law discourage divorce. The procedural details involved in arranging a divorce are complex and exacting. Except in certain cases of misconduct by the wife, a man who divorces his wife is required to pay her substantial sums of money, as specified in the ketubah (marriage contract). In addition, Jewish law prohibits a man from remarrying his ex-wife after she has married another man. Kohanim cannot marry divorcees at all.
The Process of Obtaining a Divorce
According to the Torah, divorce is accomplished simply by writing a bill of divorce, handing it to the wife, and sending her away. To prevent husbands from divorcing their wives recklessly or without proper consideration, the rabbis created complex rules regarding the process of writing the document, delivery, and acceptance. A competent rabbinical authority should be consulted for any divorce.
The document in question is referred to in the Talmud as a sefer k'ritut (scroll of cutting off), but it is more commonly known today as a get. The get is not phrased in negative terms. The traditional text does not emphasize the breakdown of the relationship, nor does it specify the reason for the divorce; rather, it states that the woman is now free to marry another man. It is not necessary for a husband to personally hand the get to the wife. If it is not possible or desirable for the couple to meet, a messenger may be appointed to deliver the get.
It is important to note that a civil divorce is not sufficient to dissolve a Jewish marriage. As far as Jewish law is concerned, a couple remains married until the woman receives the get. This has been a significant problem: many liberal Jews have a religiously valid marriage, yet do not obtain a religiously valid divorce. If the woman remarries after such a procedure, her second marriage is considered an adulterous one, and her children are considered mamzerim (bastards, illegitimate).
Inequality of the Sexes
The position of husband and wife with regard to divorce is not an equal one. According to the Talmud, only the husband can initiate a divorce, and the wife cannot prevent him from divorcing her. Later rabbinical authorities took steps to ease the harshness of these rules by prohibiting a man from divorcing a woman without her consent. In addition, a rabbinical court can compel a husband to divorce his wife under certain circumstances: when he is physically repulsive because of some medical condition or other characteristic, when he violates or neglects his marital obligations (food, clothing and sexual intercourse), or, according to some views, when there is sexual incompatibility.
A peculiar problem arises, however, if a man disappears or deserts his wife or is presumed dead but there is insufficient proof of death. Under Jewish law, divorce can only be initiated by the man; thus, if the husband cannot be found, he cannot be compelled to divorce the wife and she cannot marry another man. A woman in this situation is referred to as agunah (literally, anchored). The rabbis agonized over this problem, balancing the need to allow the woman to remarry with the risk of an adulterous marriage (a grave transgression that would affect the status of offspring of the marriage) if the husband reappeared. No definitive solution to this problem exists.
Life's Short. Get a Divorce
The billboard, sponsored by Fetman, Garland & Associates, Ltd., a firm that specializes in divorce cases, features the six-pack abs of a headless male torso and tanned female cleavage heaving forth from a black lace bra.
The ad is the brainchild of Corri Fetman, who told ABC News' Law & Justice Unit, "Law firm advertising is boring…Everything's always the same. It's lawyers in libraries with a suit on and the law books behind them. They don't say anything. What, I should hire you because you have a law degree? C'mon. So we wanted to try something different."
Reaction from those who work in and around Chicago's divorce courts has been less than enthusiastic.
"It's grotesque,'' said John Ducanto, past president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. "It's totally undignified and offensive."
"It trivializes divorce and I think it's absolutely disgusting," Rick Tivers, a clinical social worker at the Center for Divorce Recovery in Chicago, told ABC News. "Divorce is traumatic enough without this kind of [advertising]. We try and help people go through the divorce process with as much integrity as possible. A lot of my work is helping people grieve the loss of a divorce, and their own sense of betrayal. This makes divorce seem like it's not a big deal, and it's a huge deal for many people.''
Ducanto called on the Attorney Registration and Disciplinary Committee of Supreme Court of Illinois to sanction Fetman. "I don't think they'll just let this pass,'' said Ducanto, who seemed genuinely hurt by the ad. "I have been in practice for 52 years, and I've worked my ass off to change the image of this particular area of the legal practice, and to see some punk try and pervert the whole image in the interest of lucre. … Sure, she's got a lot of attention, but it's like a guy who spits on a table — you got the attention, sure, but what kind of attention is it?"
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Divorcedefense.com
While performing indispensable research into what websites people go to help them through the divorce process, I found divorcedefense.com. Quite an ingenious site marketed toward women giving advice on how to prepare for that eventual abuse and desertion that the author is sure will happen in all marriages. The site encourages women to buy the author’s book for $39.95 so that they can arm themselves with some of the following necessary tools for survival after marriage and “how to make him pay”:
- How to assess your current financial situation.
- How to save thousands of dollars in lawyer costs.
- How to divorce without sacrificing your lifestyle.
- How to take control of your marital finances.
- 7 signs of a straying husband.
- 9 creative ways to catch a cheater.
- Why you need cash on-hand at all times.
- How to stash cash for lawyer fees and living expenses.
- 20 essential steps to financial protection.
- Easy ways to pay down marital debt and why it is important.
- Why planning for your financial future is essential regardless of the status of your marriage.
- 11 details to secure your financial future.
- What information you need to have on hand about your spouse.
- What you need to do to plan for a divorce or separation.
- How men are advised to hide assets and income to minimize your settlement.
- 6 In depth Case Studies of actual divorces and what you can learn from them.
- What to do before you announce a divorce or separation.
- Why timing is essential to your divorce.
- Proven methods to financially protect yourself in any relationship.
- How to use your husband’s tax records to increase your alimony.
- Why hiring a lawyer is the last step in preparation, not the first.
- How to evaluate your mutual debt.
- How to handle sensitive issues with children.
- And much, much more!
"Save water, shower together," young people proclaimed a few years ago. Turns out, they were right.
Americans spend an additional $3.6 bilion annually on water as a result of the extra households created when people divorce, Jianguo Liu, an ecologist at Michigan State University, estimated.
Each time a family dissolves, the result is usually two households, explained, Liu, whose analysis of the environmental impact of divorce appears in this week's online edition of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
A household uses the same amount of heat or air conditioning whether two or four people live there. One person or several use the same refrigerator. Two people living apart run two diswashers instead of one. The tra energy or water use adds up.
Divorced households spent more per person per month for electricity, compared to a married household, hence $6.9 billion in extra utility costs per year, in addition to the extra $3.6 billion for water.
Each time a family dissolves, the result is usually two households, explained, Liu, whose analysis of the environmental impact of divorce appears in this week's online edition of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
A household uses the same amount of heat or air conditioning whether two or four people live there. One person or several use the same refrigerator. Two people living apart run two diswashers instead of one. The tra energy or water use adds up.
Divorced households spent more per person per month for electricity, compared to a married household, hence $6.9 billion in extra utility costs per year, in addition to the extra $3.6 billion for water.
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